Features | Experience of the Divinity of Bhagavan by Devotees | Group V | Ms. S. Bhavani

Ms. S. Bhavani, II M.A.,
Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning,
Anantapur Campus.

Ms. S. Bhavani, a student of the second year M.A. of the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning, Anantapur Campus narrates a few of her experiences of the Divinity of Bhagavan in her own words.

'From the age of five, I had prayed that I may become a Sai Student. After ten years, the Lord heard my prayer in the year 1999 when I joined the Sri Sathya Sai School at Prasanthi Nilayam for my 11th grade. I was jubilant in the beginning.

But soon, things took a different turn. When I was in the 12th grade, I started suffering from persistent pain in my knees, ankles, wrists, shoulder joints and even knuckles. The doctors suspected Rheumatic Fever with Arthritis, and so I was put on a heavy dose of Ecosprin for about two months. I used to spend hours in the prayer hall, weeping with my head on Bhagavan's footstool - seeking His grace.

One of those days, as I was seated in the classroom, I noticed a thought-provoking saying written on the black board. It read, 'ask and you shall be given, ask not and you shall be given more.' This struck a chord in me. I was ashamed of myself for repeatedly asking the Lord to cure me. Why didn't I believe that He knows everything and He'd surely do the best for me? One night, however, the pain was excruciating and I cried out to Swami for help. In fact, I cried myself to sleep. Would the Lord leave the tears of His children unwiped? I had an assuring dream that night. In the dream, I was in the Sai-Kulwanth Hall along with my mother. There was nobody else. Swami came out of the interview room, and started walking towards me. Unable to hold my anguish, I sprang up, rushed towards Him, knelt and wept, clasping His Feet. He gently stroked my hair, and said 'don't worry, don't worry.' The dream ended there, but the story has continued till today. Every time there is trouble, He is there to remind us that it would burst like a bubble if we blow it away with our faith in the Almighty's power.

It was March 24, 2000. I had completed my 12th grade Board examinations. Two days later, I went to the Super Specialties Hospital to have some tests done in order to verify whether my condition was getting any better. After the necessary tests, Dr. V. R. Iyer, the Cardiologist, sat by my side and said 'you are Bhagavan's student. Why don't you give Him a letter stating your problem?' The problem, he said, had developed into, what he called, Sero Negative Arthritis or collagen disorder, and so he insisted that I make a direct prayer to Bhagavan. I was now drowned in a sea of thoughts. It seemed unusual for me to write a letter telling Him about my problems. However, I put my thoughts down and wrote a few lines asking Him to strengthen me rather than cure me. I placed it at the altar and said remorsefully, 'Swami, I find no scope to hand over this letter to You. But I have a feeling that it is You who have directed this whole drama. So, please take my letter, wherever I may be seated.'

If God decides to remove our doubts, He necessarily shakes us out of them. Here I was totally shaken that afternoon, when I went for darshan. I was the last student to enter the hall. I found my classmates seated in rows, leaving a passage in between. Confused, I asked them what was going on and they asked me to just sit. In between their excited breaths, they told me that Swami had asked the Headmistress to see that we were seated in rows since He was going to give us padanamaskar. I was astounded. There was no specific occasion, so to speak. There was nothing noteworthy that we had done to suddenly deserve this wonderful blessing. As I closed my eyes to thank the Lord, I remembered the letter, pulled it out from my book and placed it on my lap and sat in silence until the Lord glided by.

He gently walked up to where we were sitting. With His charming smile, He transported us to ecstasy. He walked amidst us with His robe slightly lifted and allowed us to touch His soft, lotus-like Feet. As He approached me, I was transfixed. The letter was there in my hand, but I was visibly trembling. With His gleaming eyes, he looked into mine, bent slightly and, with two fingers, pulled the letter from my hand. I bent to touch His feet. I enclosed my pain with the letter and submitted myself to Him.

When troubles and illnesses entrap me, now and then, I remind myself that He holds the string of my life and I should not complain about the little tugs that seem to limit me. Though complete surrender is still far away, I know that, one day, my Lord will bless me with the wisdom to let go and Him take over.'

-- Ms. S. Bhavani

(As extracted from the souvenir Ananta Prematarangini published by the Anantapur Campus of the SSSIHL on the occasion of the 80th Birthday of Bhagavan)