Features | Experience of the Divinity of Bhagavan by Devotees | Group II | Mrs. T. Sitamahalakshmi

Mrs. T. Sitamahalakshmi
F3, Sai Sudhakar Apartments
Behind Bus Stand
Puttaparthi - 515134
Tel: 08555-288040

Mrs. T. Sitamahalakshmi (65), a housewife, narrates a few of her experiences of the Divinity of Bhagavan in her own words.

'My husband, Mr. T. V. Subba Rao, came to Tirupati on deputation, in 1959. The owners of the house we rented at Tirupati were devotees of Bhagavan. From them we heard about Swami for the first time. Swami came to Tirupati in connection with the Thyagaraja Utsavaalu in July 1959 when we had His Darshan for the first time.

In 1970, my parents visited Pandari and from there were proposing to go to Bangalore. Some co-passengers advised them to break journey at Penukonda and visit Puttaparthi. So they came to Prasanthi Nilayam. On the very morning of their arrival, Swami called them for interview. 'What is that you desire?' Swami asked them during the interview. 'We don't have any desires', my parents replied 'except your grace'. 'Whoever comes here comes only with desires', Swami remarked, 'I am seeing persons like you who have no desires for the first time'.

After that Swami told them about their yatra and said, 'everything will be all right for you. I know about the health problem of your daughter also. Give her this'. Swami materialized vibhuti and gave it to them for me. But somehow my condition worsened after taking that vibhuti. At one stage we were afraid that it might become necessary to take me to the Rayavellore Hospital. Before that I wanted to have Darshan of Bhagavan. So we went to Prasanthi Nilayam in October 1972. It was Dasara season. We had Darshan and returned.

Again we wanted to go to Prasanthi Nilayam in June 1974. But my husband did not like the timing, as he was required in the school during admission season. But he wrote a reply card to Prasanthi Nilayam and received a reply that Swami was not there in Prasanthi Nilayam. He was expected around August. Meanwhile my father and I left for Kavali to effect some repairs to our house there. But we had to return without getting any repairs done owing to non-cooperation of our tenant there. My husband made some efforts in vain to get the tenant evicted by pulling wires at high places.

Keeping the issue pending, we went to Prasanthi Nilayam in August. We had to put up in a shed where my husband lost the money he had brought. On that day Swami called me for interview. When Swami calls a person for interview, the spouse also can attend. I looked for my husband but he was not to be seen. So I alone went in. There were three more in the interview room. Swami materialized vibhuti and gave to those three. There was some vibhuti on his thumb. With that He put bottu (sacred mark) on my forehead. Then He called me for personal discussion. He placed the curtain on His shoulder and talked to me from behind that curtain, as Swami would not meet any woman devotee alone.

He spoke to me first in Hindi. I do not know Hindi. 'Oh! You are Telugu lady!' He remarked. In fact, I should have said, 'yes, Swami!' to that query normally. But suddenly I blurted out 'don't you know, Swami, who I am?' He laughed aloud and said, 'a tough guy, indeed! I saved your life twice'. True. I had miraculous escape in accidents twice. He then referred to my health and said, 'people come with a garland of karma around their neck. Should not they experience its results? you have selected a good line. Follow it. I will see that you go through that experience of karma without pain. Do you want to ask anything?' 'May I make Pradakshinam (going round) to you, Bhagavan?' I asked. He assented. I went round Bhagavan. He allowed me to do Padanamaskar and I did so. He placed vibhuti packets in my lap. Then I remembered about loss of our money in the shed and mentioned it to Swami.

'Have you lost money?' Swami said in mock sympathy, 'alas! What can I do? Let the money go; goes with it your bad luck'. Then he added, 'I will keep your health problems under control. Don't worry'. Since that day my thyroid problem has not bothered me. When I had a medical check up, I was told that the disease was there but its symptoms were not being felt by me miraculously. With the help of some co-devotees, we returned to Podili where my husband was working at that time. There we found a letter waiting for us. 'Your tenant has vacated and left', was the burden of its song. Curiously, it was written on August 21 - the day on which we left for Puttaparthi!

We have had the good fortune of visiting Prasanthi Nilayam several times. I had the opportunity to go there for seva also.

In 1980, my health failed. Doctors said that I should undergo hysterectomy. 'I will not undergo surgery unless Bhagavan consents', I insisted. I had hypertension also, but was not taking medicines. One day the local doctor at Kandukur where my husband was working at that time sent a compounder to check my B.P. He brought the equipment. The reading was showing the maximum noted on the scale! The compounder was shocked. It was, indeed, a miracle how I survived such high blood pressure without getting a stroke.

Owing to the grace of Bhagavan, my husband was posted on deputation as the Head Master of Eswaramma High School, Puttaparthi. He took charge on January 29, 1983.

One day, Swami told me in Darshan line, 'I will call you for interview next Sunday'. I prepared sweets for Swami, and went and sat in the Darshan line. Swami did not look at me. Next day, I felt dejected and wanted to give away the sweets and other eatables I had prepared for Swami, to poor people. 'Wait for a day', counseled my husband, 'and see'. I went for Darshan. Swami came to me. 'You were not to be seen', said Swami feigning innocence, 'I looked for you. Alas!' He called me for interview. 'Swami!' I prayed, 'if Swami permits, I will go and get prasadam I prepared for Swami, in a minute'. Swami assented. I fetched the sweets, etc. At the outset, Swami spoke about spirituality with particular reference to 'Gopika- Bhakti'. I felt He was talking looking all the time at me. After that He called my husband and me for a private audition. 'What is the problem?' Bhagavan asked us.

'Marriages of our daughters, Swami', we replied.

'Haven't you seen matches, what happened?' Swami gesticulated sarcastically. 'I will get good matches for them.'

I offered the prasadam I had brought. Swami looked at them and blessed. 'Why did you do all this when your health is not good?' Swami asked. 'Swami does not want all this, you know, Swami is satisfied with patram (leaf - meaning body, explained Swami Himself), pushpam (flower - mind), phalam (fruit - heart) and thoyam (water - tears of joy that emanate when one conducts himself / herself in unison of body, mind and heart with anurakthi (favourable involvement)'.

Then He looked at what I brought. 'Oh! You have brought 'atukulu' like Kuchela', He remarked and took a pinch, and put in His mouth as a token of His blessing. 'Swami! You have shown Dasavataras to many, I hear', I pleaded, 'if you think I deserve it, pray let me have Darshan of those Avataras'. 'Sure! Sure!' Swami said, 'it shall be so.' But He did not show me the forms of any of His earlier incarnations. He promised, and He will not go back on His word. I wait and look forward with hope for the fulfillment of His promise.

Swami used to talk to me in Darshan lines to kid, joke and chide, too. One day I was reading Vasishtha Ramayana when He was coming along. I hid the book under the flap of my sari and made obeisance to Him.

'Oh! You are talking to your hubby', Swami remarked. 'Talk! Talk!' One lady sitting by my side laughed. 'What do you know about it, poor soul?' Swami chided her, 'she knows the meaning of what I said'. He moved away. 'What is the meaning?' the lady asked me, 'how is that Swami cracks such jokes with ladies of our age?' 'Swami never utters even one useless word', I explained, 'I was reading Vasishtha Ramayana; Swami said that I was talking to my husband. Who is my husband? In worldly view it may be so and so, but in spiritual parlance, the husband of every soul is Rama, that is, God only. He wanted me to talk and talk to my husband. It means I should continue to read and digest such books that make me realize the truth'.

'Is that so?' She was amazed at the depth of Swami's words which sounded outwardly as a crude joke.

Once in the month of Shravana, I wanted to perform vratam and sat in Darshan lines with a plate containing pasupu (turmeric), kumkum etc to receive blessings of Bhagavan. There were other ladies also. Swami came and saw the plates. 'Why these vratalu and nomulu?' He asked, 'just follow in action at least one of my preachings. It will be enough'. Since that day onwards, I have given up doing vratas and poojas of all sorts in physical terms.

When Swami's 60th Birthday was approaching, Swami exhorted devotees to put a ceiling on desires. Some interpreted it in their own way. 'Swami wants us to give up certain desires (habits), save money on that account and give it to Swami,' they used to say. I did not agree with that view. 'What is it that we give to the giver of all things to all?' I thought, 'so He wants us to give up desires. I listed out six very important desires that come in the way of sadhana, and took a vow to keep them under check.

May be in late eighties, I had high B.P. While I was in Darshan lines, Swami came. 'Are the doctors telling you that you will get paralysis also?' Swami asked half-jokingly, 'don't worry'. He put His hand on the top of my head and pressed. Since then, though my B.P. showed occasionally readings on the high side, it has not bothered me with any adverse consequences.

In 1985, our daughter, Jyotsna had to appear for final exam of M.A at Eluru centre. When she wrote her previous exam there, she stayed with our relatives who subsequently shifted to another place. It became a big question where to opt to write the exam. On the advice of my husband, she filled in the application leaving the name of the centre blank. I took her and sat in Darshan line. Bhagavan came and paused before us. Mrs. Vasumathi, wife of Dr. Bhaskara Rao, a leading devotee from Eluru was sitting by my side. I had no acquaintance of her. 'When are you leaving for Eluru, Vasumathi?' Bhagavan asked her twice or thrice. He was looking at me whenever He uttered the word Eluru. After Darshan, one friend accosted me. On hearing about our predicament, she said, 'why do you worry? You can keep the girl with our Vasumathi garu. She is a nice lady. Very helpful.' She took me to Mrs. Vasumathi who readily agreed to our request.

'Don't mention about getting food from hotel, etc', she told me, 'she is not only your daughter, but my daughter also.' Then she turned to my daughter. 'Why do you trouble your mother?' She asked my daughter, 'can't you come to Eluru alone; you are an educated girl?' My daughter said, 'oh! Yes!'

When she was in Mrs. Vasumathi's house, they gave her a separate room. My daughter used to walk while studying. In their house there is a hall used as bhajan-mandir. It was very convenient to do walking there. Mrs. Vasumathi is such a nice lady that my daughter often recalls nostalgically, 'she used to bring food while I was walking and studying, and used to spoon-feed me at frequent intervals. Such love I have not witnessed showered by any one on an utter stranger!' Swami's arrangements are always par excellence. When He asked Mrs. Vasumathi about her programme, it was only a ruse. He, in fact, was assuring me that I should not worry about my daughter's stay at Eluru because He already arranged it with His sankalpa in Mrs. Vasumathi's house.

One of our acquaintances in Hyderabad suggested an alliance to my daughter, Jyotsna. The bridegroom's parents hailed from Kurnool, but presently settled in Chennai. We sent a photograph of our daughter to the would-be-in-laws through their relatives at Secunderabad. The bridegroom, we did not know, was not willing to marry at that time. However, they consulted their astrologer who agreed to the alliance. The mother of the bridegroom is a Sai devotee. She had a dream. Swami came in her dream and asked, 'why are you still thinking? Settle the alliance'. She went to the astrologer, got the muhurtam fixed and came to Hyderabad to see the bride. The marriage took place on December 14, 1988.

In the case of my second daughter, Sailaja's marriage, we had an alliance in view. Both sides agreed and wanted to get the seal of approval of Swami for the alliance. Even though both sides went and sat in Darshan for nearly two weeks, Swami did not look at us. Later, it turned out that the bridegroom had an affair, which was about to culminate in his wedlock with his classmate. His parents did not know this. Thus, Swami saved us from a serious embarrassment and further problems.

In the case of the marriage of our third daughter, Sarvakala, Swami blessed the photographs of both the bride and the bridegroom. His parents were in Jamaica. At the time Swami was blessing the photographs in India, they saw in Jamaica a streak of 'light rays' emanating from Swami's Photograph in their house. So they opted for our alliance.

In September 2003, we all went to Tirupati. We halted at a guesthouse and had breakfast there. I found some leftovers and wanted to feed them to a cow, which I had seen in the front yard. When I was about to offer the eatables, the cow made a forward movement in its eagerness to eat. I was frightened and dropped the banana leaf in which I was carrying the leftovers. The cow continued to rush towards me while I was moving backwards to avoid being hit by it. Thus I went and went backwards, and hit the wall. Its horns nearly touched my stomach when I cried 'Sai' in fright. My husband was watching helplessly as he could not find any stick around to ward off the recalcitrant cow. Then a miracle happened. The cow left me and turned back as if pushed back by some unseen hand. Owing to Sai's grace, I escaped being torn apart by the horns of the advancing cow in rage in a trice.

Such experiences of the Divinity of Bhagavan we are blessed with are umpteen. We can only illustrate His grace, but can never explain or describe it adequately.'

-- Mrs. T. Sitamahalakshmi.

(As narrated to Mr. B. Parvatala Rao at Prasanthi Nilayam on 18.01.2005.)